Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: James / Lucius
Rating: PG 13
Warning: Character death.
James is dead. Lucius rocks back and forth slowly, drowning in denial. No, no, are the whispers from his lips as a single tear falls. The day the Malfoy pride failed, the music died.
And he sings, 'You'll be in my heart, you'll be in my heart. From this day on, now and forever more.' A thousand goodbye soundtracks playing in his head. His heart sinks deeper, deeper into the pit of his tensed stomach.
He sings because words fail him. He wants to cry his last tear for James. He wants to breathe his last breath screaming James' name. He wants blood to pool around him as he remembers James. He wants to close his eyes for the last time and see James.
He regrets his life after Hogwarts. He regrets letting James go. He regrets joining the dark side. It's because of him. It's because of him James died.
He let James slip away. He let him go. Everything is his fault. He let Lily take James away, and he didn't protest. He let himself wallow in self-pity; he let Narcissa take him away. He let them walk away from nirvana. He let them finish on a sour note. He let them become enemies. He didn't listen to his heart.
He thought everything would be all right. He thought he could fix everything. He thought he could repair the damage. He wants more then anything to go back a few years, to the night he let James walk out on him. To the night he didn't follow and make everything all right again.
He misses the way James held him and the way James whispered his name. The way he knew his face was the last thing that played in James' mind at night. The way he knew he could make James happy. The way James made him smile and laugh. The way James laughed.
He wants to see James smile again. He wants to tell James that everything will be all right. He wants to tell James what a horrible mistake he made. He wants to be swallowed by the shadows. He wants James to hold him again.
He wonders what he has done. His mind is an unravelling string of abuse and hurt. Because he knows, he really does know that he could have fixed things. This wouldn't have happened if it weren't for him. If it weren't for him being a Malfoy, and trying to hold his dignity higher then his head.
It hurts most that he knows he could have done something to spare James' life. He could have rescued him. He could have betrayed his loyalty to the dark side. Yet, he did not. And the music died that day. The melodies faded. The day the Malfoy pride didn't fail. The day James Potter died.